


Put Your Lights On

by Ladyhawk_lhflu



Series: Iris [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Legends: X-wing Series - Aaron Allston & Michael Stackpole, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-15 01:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3432956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyhawk_lhflu/pseuds/Ladyhawk_lhflu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-Wan Kenobi has trouble dealing with his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Put Your Lights On

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old series that I've tried my best to clean up and make presentable. It's a two-part. Please keep in mind that both stories were written right after the Phantom Menace came out.

Political intrigue doesn't change that much, no matter the date. Watching the newly-appointed Chief of State bluster his way through a meeting with my former student, though, tends to make me wonder if Bothans offer training classes in it.

"A council would offer structure to the Jedi. It would also give the New Republic group an expert group to confer with, if and when needed." Luke Skywalker's stern expression is similar to that I've seen on Yoda's face when he tried to make Qui-Gon accept a Council decision that he didn't agree with.

Luke invited both of us along as advisors to this meeting. Beforehand, Qui-Gon and I cautioned him on the limits of a council, but Luke said that things are getting out of control. The Jedi are getting into political entanglements and making things worse for people, not better.

"A council would just give credibility to these vigilantes! It wouldn't stop them! Did the Jedi Council even try to stop your father?! It's obvious that Jedi are trained to be reckless." Borsk Fei'lya's fur stands on end at the conclusion of his statement. 

The pain at the memory of my biggest mistake flares within me. I failed everyone when I tried to train Anakin. I shield my distress from Qui-Gon automatically. He doesn't need to know the reason the Republic had to start over. It would just hurt him to know how badly I failed, how I failed to keep my promise to him at his death.

Luke looks back at the New Republic leader passively. "I trained my students to be aware of the galaxy around them and in tools they would need to help. What they need now is guidance. That is what I seek to provide with a council."

Fei'lya makes a disgusted snort. "The Jedi caused the Old Republic's downfall."

At this, I speak up. "No, Chief of State Fei'lya. The Old Republic was falling apart because the government was unable to act. Too much power was centralized and action was slow. The Jedi are part of the reason it survived as long as it did. They leant strength to an overburdened government."

"But Vader--" 

"Is gone, Chief of State. I have learned from my father's mistake." Luke's gaze dares anyone to think otherwise. 

The rest of their conversation becomes muted as I am swamped with memories. Of Anakin yelling, screaming at me. Asking me why I didn't teach him to use real power, when the galaxy is falling apart around us.

I thought I had dealt with the pain, the anguish of helping cause such a catastrophe in the galaxy as the one that happened when we lost Luke's father to Palpatine.

I thought wrong.

__________________________________________________

After leaving the meeting. I tell my lover that I need some fresh air. I walk through the Mon Calamari ship and pass by some of the staff. I recognize Corran Horn and move to approach him. But as I do I hear what he's saying to another pilot.

"By Vader's black heart, Myn, that's crazy!" Corran looks toward me and wave me over, but I can only concentrate on one thing.

My student's name name is a curse! I feel branded by the past. I can't escape the grief I've caused. 

I start to run away, towards the main hanger. As I pass, all I hear is an echo of one name. "Vader."  
___________________________________________________

My physical reformation as a twenty-something young man must be affecting my mind. It was not like the older me to hide from my fears, but I do so now. I do my best to shield myself as I see my former master and former student come into the hanger. I am crouched in the shadows on one of the maintenance walkways above their heads in the X-wing section.

And I listen to Luke tell Qui-Gon what I cannot.

I can see Qui-Gon stop in front of Luke's X-wing as Luke helps his astromech down from it's place on the ship.

"That is a Nubian astromech, one of those used on the royal ship."

Luke looks at him, startled. "I don't know where he came from. I bought him from some jawas on Tatooine. What makes you say he's Nubian?"

"The markings on his arm, here." Qui-Gon points to the droid's right appendage.

"I wouldn't know." 

"A droid with that same number came with us when we retrieved an Anakin Skywalker from Tatooine."

Luke looks startled as the droid lets out a mournful whine. I've known since Luke and I left for Alderaan that the astromech and his protocol companion were originally Anakin's droids. The astromech was with me when I left that cursed planet where I fought my student. Damn, I thought I told Panaka to wipe the droids' memories!

Luke looks at R2 quizzically as he replies to Qui-Gon. "Anakin was my father."

Qui-Gon nods. "If I may inquire, what mistake did your father make that the Chief of State was so concerned about?"

"He turned to the Dark Side and teamed up with Senator Palpatine to destroy the Old Republic and create the Empire. I ended up fighting my father in an effort to free the galaxy."

"Palpatine was the Sith?" Qui-Gon leans against the X-wing for support as he absorbs this information. "Why couldn't I see that?"

Luke looks up at him, confused. "I don't understand."

Qui-Gon sighs, as if he were responsible for the creation of the Empire. "Obi-Wan and I were dealing with the Trade Federation's attempted takeover of Naboo when we met your father. There were two Sith involved. I died at the hands of the apprentice. I never found out who the master was. Palpatine was around the Queen much of the time, helping her make decisions. And yet I could not see the evil in him."

Luke shrugs. "He was very manipulative. I doubt there were many people who knew he had any kind of Force training, let alone was that powerful. Even among his own people."

"With Ani as his new apprentice, he probably didn't need to. Ani's powers alone were probably enough to instill great fear in people." Tears come to my eyes as guilt transforms his face. "Palpatine must have been able to detect Ani's abilities from the beginning. And I led the boy right to him."

Luke looks up at my hiding place. I try to shrink back into the shadows further. "Really? Ben always blamed his lack of skill in teaching Father for his turn to the dark side."

Qui-Gon snorts. "I can't imagine Obi-Wan being a bad teacher. He was an excellent padawan."

"Ben told me he was overconfident in his abilities--"

I can't listen to any more of this. I don't want to see the look in my master's eyes as he finds out how I failed him, failed the galaxy. I run across the walkway, away from the pair.

I need to escape. I need to head for the emptiness of space.

I run toward the part of the hanger that contains what looks like captured Imperial ships. Choosing one at random, I climb down and run toward it. It looks like a ship made from spares parts. A Tie-fighter's eyeball attached to the wing frame of an old Y-wing. But beggars can't be choosers. I just need to GO!

I enter the cockpit and start up the engine. I can hear Qui-Gon trying to get my attention through our bond, but unlike after he died, this time my shielding is deliberate. I can't stand to hear him berate me for my failure.

Instead I manuever the ship out of the hanger and into the blackness of space. As I leave, my perusal of the controls indicates that this ship lacks a hyperdrive. Oh, well. I won't get very far. 

I set my direction toward the space anomaly that greets my sight once I clear the Mon Calamari ship. A bright purple blob. Maybe I can find something to distract me there.

But before I get too far, two X-wings pull up beside me. A light flashes on the ship's comlink, so I open the channel.

"General Kenobi, this is Corran Horn. I must request that you bring that ship back to Home One. It is part of an intelligence mission and has been fitted with a powerful explosive device. If you get near that energy cluster, the device will detonate."

I listen to the Jedi's impassioned plea, but I don't respond or bother to change course. The Force must be guiding me. It was probably was some sort of cosmic mistake for me to be alive again after all I've done to destroy this universe. The Force is guiding me back into itself. . . 

//What in Sithhell do you think you are doing, Kenobi?!// A voice enters my head, but it isn't that of my lover. It's the voice I had heard through a strong training bond, when I was the master. 

//Anakin?//

//By the Force, my master. . . You get a new chance at life and you want to commit suicide again! What is with you?//

//But--But I failed you, I failed Qui-Gon.// Tears blind me as I try to keep the ship on course for the energy cluster.

My padawan's mental voice is tinged with exasperation. //Didn't it ever occur to you that I failed you? That I was the one who made the choice to join Palpatine? You didn't push me into his arms!//

//But, but Qui--//

//Open that damned soulbond of yours and listen to him! I think you'll be surprised. In fact, considering what you're trying to do, I know you will.//

I sigh and do as the voice says. I lower the shield that is blocking Qui-Gon's mind from mine.

I sob as I'm instantly wrapped in comfort. Qui-Gon's mental voice replaces Anakin's in my head. //I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan. I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help you when you lost Ani. It still hurts you terribly, doesn't it?//

//Y-yes.// I sigh as Qui-Gon clutches me in a mental embrace and some of the pain eases.

Then I come back to the here and now as a real voice blares into my ears. "General Kenobi!"

I open my eyes to see the purple blob almost surrounding me. I pull the ship into a tight turn but I can't quite escape the gravity of the cluster.

But then I feel the Force surround me and the ship. It pulls me free of the gravity and sets me on a course back to the Mon Calamari ship. And I hear Anakin's voice once again.

//I'll declare myself Palpatine's son before I let you fall on my lightsaber twice. Especially considering all that you've done for my son. Go home, my master.// With a ghostly pat on my shoulder, the presence drifts away.

__________________________________________________

Corran and his wing partner flank me back to the ship.

As we park the ships in the hanger, Luke and Qui-Gon hurry toward my ship. I pop open the cockpit and gaze down at my lover from the top of the Tie eyeball.

Qui-Gon's face is stern as he looks back at me. "Do you doubt my love for you, Obi-Wan?"

I shake my head. "No, Qui-Gon." As I say this, I feel the Force surround me and levitate me to the ground next to my master.

"Then how can you believe I'd leave you over something that wasn't even your responsibility?"

"I should have---"

Qui-Gon shakes my shoulders. "Obi-Wan! Whatever mistakes you may have made in Ani's training, his turning was ultimately his choice. Do you forget that I've been in this situation myself?"

Sithhell! I did forget. Xanatos.

Qui-Gon's arms surround me as my body begins to shake from all the emotions swirling in my mind. "You helped me put my feelings concerning Xanatos to rest, my love. Just by being there and loving me as he could not. I could sense that you cared for me greatly even as a child. That love eased my pain. Let me help you, Obi-Wan. Let me be here for you now, as I could not be when it happened. Let me help you through the pain."

I nod into my lover's chest then turn my tear-stained face to look around us. And I see a sight that begins to break through the wall of pain that has been my companion for so many years.

Luke stands a few meters away from us, watching, probably making sure nobody disturbs us. Behind him is an image shrouded in a blue aura. A tall man with long blond hair. Anakin. He's holding his son's shoulder's lightly. And as I watch, Luke shifts his head to look at his father and smile.

As I watch them, my padawan smiles back then fades away. I think as Qui-Gon tightens his embrace surrounding me that the original Jedi forgot a code when they wrote them down.

There is no pain, there is love.  
__________________________________________


End file.
